Ramblings

I wonder why I bother with pseudonyms. Especially when no one will probably read this.

I wish there was some progress on the island initiative. But then again, if it's not the right time, I shouldn't rush it. After all, it ain't like the best of times to cash out.

Which makes me wonder what's in store for me, looking at the way things are.

I am so muddled today.

I was again amazed today at how the CEO manages to not take ownership of the biggest problem in our corporate history. I mean, if you don't own this one, which one do you think is worth your time then?

I know what could happen. He will start thinking of me as a negative person. But heck, thank god I'm leaving.

I am ready for some detachment from nonsense office politics really. I just want to help the boys build their business, and spread my own business wings and really call my own bluff.

Aaargh.

I should really go to the gym. Why wait till December. It's just a psychological excuse I keep giving myself. I am becoming like the other half. Bad.

There are so many things I don't like, so maybe I should just vent. Get it outta the way:
- I hate that the Government is full of corrupt assholes with narrow racist minds.
- I hate that big businesses don't care - not even for themselves beyond the immediate paycheque.
- I hate that leaders are so weak.
- I hate that people are driven by power and greed.

It'd be nice if some day being rich and powerful was no longer cool. Maybe in a couple generations. ALready some young folk reject it.

Hey, if geeks can become cool, why can't the rich and powerful be tomorrow's geeks?

I am rambling in the biggest way.

Here's what I like:
- I have dreams that have already opened doors.
- I have the outline of a novel.
- My loved ones are alive and happy and healthy.

OK I'm not getting anywhere with this.

I wonder about Ms E. I hope she grows up strong.

Happy birthday M

Happy Birthday Marli. I find it hard sometimes to believe you are now seventeen. I wonder what you would have looked like if you had actually lived. The closest reference I have is of course Elle, who is beautiful and broody and secretive. Someone who sometimes opens up to me and even at times reacts to me like I would hope you would have if you were alive.

I think I would have been a good mother, actually. Now, maybe not then. Or perhaps then. I don't know.

But now, I know I would be a good mother. I don't know how I'd cope. I would probably find someone else to be my partner in life for something like this, or go it alone. But not who I am with. Not her. She can't handle it, I don't think, not in the larger sense.

But I digress. This post is about you. Or the you that would have been.

You would have been almost on your way to college now. At the age I was a little before you were made. Unsure, excited, impatient about what life is really going to be like for you and you alone, away from your parents and the other people who have been with you all your life.

I wish you all the very best. Know that you are loved and remembered and missed by me. Know that I know you are beautiful. Know that I can still recall the feeling of you kicking inside my belly, making it hard to breathe. That I spoke to you, that you were my only friend who shared the secret of you for many months. That you were the one who actually gave me the strength to go through things on the outside with you in me. That long bike ride. The ride on the bus to places I've never been. That long, long night in our bed and the frightening episode at the hospital.

I love you.