Loving

Sometimes like today, you are affectionate and it makes me happy. I love you in all the right ways because you kiss me and actually look glad to see me emerge from the bedroom.

But these are rare occasions. Most days you are unacknowledging, no display of joy at the sight of me. I know it's not because of who you are. I watch you with the dog and know you are capable of more affection, outbursts of joy. And I wonder if on most days you don't love me as much.

It' silly, some would say. But for someone like me, who craves affection and touch, who likes lying next to someone when she can, it is hard.

I wonder then, what he would be like. He looks like someone who would not let you stray too far when in the same room. Whose face would light up every time you enter his space.

I want that. That feeling of being loved from the inside, from the subconscious, the gut of you.

Thing is maybe you do love me from your gut. I see it when I need it most. Perhaps with you it's the middle that sometimes goes to sleep and forgets I am there.

Weird.