I almost hate you so much right now I don't even want to be in the same space with you.

Actually, I DON'T want to be in the same space with you.

You say it is all my fault you are not nice to me anymore.

But hey, I didn't get unhappy without you failing to try.

I have fantasies sometimes, of us having amazing, intense, passionate sex.

Just that.

And at times too I wish there was more tenderness.

But I guess you are Chinese and genetically incapable of that.

Or so the rumour is...

These days we are lucky if we can even manage being civil and not screaming at each other.

I am so tired of you and of us, if there is any of the latter left.

I have to try harder these days to find it.

Happy Fucking Anniversary.

Three is a dud.

May there not be many more like these.  My life is too short for time wasting.

I Get It

I get it.  Your life sucks.  And you think that everything is on your shoulders, and no one else does as much or is helping.

You forget - I have been there.  And every ounce of frustration you feel is what I felt ten, twelve months ago when you were in KL and we were here scrambling to get everything up and running.

Everyone ran to me every time something broke down then.

Everyone ran to me every time they fought with one another then.

And all you did was sit in KL where you weren't actually needed.

So I held it all together, without you.

And when you came you were too busy to do anything else except focus on the business.

Which meant I unpacked the house all by myself.  Every single fucking box.

If not for me, you wouldn't know what is in this house or where.

So tell me again you do everything and I do nothing.

Tell me a million times.  Or two.  It won't make a difference because I am past listening.  I am past caring even, because you were not there when I needed you.

You see, I have learned now not to depend on you at all.  Not even to do the bloody laundry.

If not for me, we would not have clean clothes.

You think I don't work as hard?  Well, then tell me how I got here.

Because here is everything I have worked my fingers to the bone for, cried tears, lost lovers, fought battles till my insides have bled and frozen over.

Look at it.  It is where you work.  It is where you sleep.  It is where you live.

If you still don't think I work hard, then think again.

And think about what, really, in your life is so darned difficult you can't find a way to juggle your ONE JOB.

Because it is really ONE JOB.  The other one is not even active.  It's still a pipe dream.

I really need to figure out why I keep attracting you losers.

I need to change my mantra.