I have been thinking of you of late.

As perfect as my life is at the moment, and as much as I love my Tigger, I cannot help sometimes but be profoundly sad at the absence of you in my life.

I was in love with you. And I think a part of me still is. The part that still cries spontaneously at the thought of seeing you and having to speak to you again. The part that reminisces about our life together, how stable and predictable it was and how I was so in love with you. I remember you gently stroking my face at night saying you love me and how pretty I am. The love light in your eyes. You asking me whether I can fall asleep at night. You mumbling back that you love me even in deep sleep.

I remember these things and wonder how it could all flee from your heart so suddenly. All this love that took years to build. All of a sudden gone.

I wonder how much you miss us, our life, this life you had with me and the dogs.

And today, on Athena's birthday, you must miss us more. I feel it in my bones. I almost want to cry.

I now know how it is possible to love someone in the present so much but yet feel some degree of love still for someone from my past. Not in a way that makes me want to be with you, but in a way that is sad at how things ended.

A small part of me worries still about you. No matter how much I try not to, I do.

But I do love my life now and the possibilities that lie in store for Tigger and I. It will be a wonderful life if we can get past the current madness and adjustments. She is a blessing that I am thankful for.