Breathe

It seems like life's small calamities are attracted to me, like a magnet that pulls all of life's possible little wrenches into its system and swallows them whole.

I need to learn to calm down and breathe. To not let these things frazzle my silly brain and muddle it with stress about things that are out of my control.

Tigger, you are such a blessing to me, and yet, I feel I fail you most days by not remaining calm enough to face life like a real grown-up and handle all the idiotic trivialities that get in the way of living. It is ME who fails, not you, I wish I could convince you that is my true belief.

I know every time I get stressed out I stress you out and I need to learn to stop doing that. I did it to her and I am doing it to you. I know.

And I must not do it again.

I must learn how to let go. A little madness is sometimes OK.

But on days like this, when I know all depends on me to get something done or fix it, I am at a loss. I just want to scream or summon a genie that will fix everything with a wave of his or her wand. Get the maid. Care for the dogs. Do the laundry. Clean the house. Tell off the idiot Melayu maid agent who talks talks talks and then doesn't deliver. I need someone to fix this all.

I am fraying at the edges.

I am missing out on details.

I have always known I am a calamity. I think you are only now finally beginning to realise the depth of my madness. I hope it doesn't stop you from loving me.