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Last night I cried again. Not because I do not love you or you do not love me well enough.

But because I see the possibility of us, beyond what we have now, far beyond.

It's funny. With you so many things seem to fit. Our pasts have slid by each other quietly, almost touching, on the fringes of each other's lives. Yet we never met.

Doesn't that tell you something, Tigger? That there is an inevitability in our meeting and coming together.

I have never fallen in love like this, with someone whom I have so much of a past in common but never met. As if Time played an active hand in ensuring everything was in place before it allowed us to kiss.

Here is what I sense and do not tell you. That you love me more than you know. But until you are ready to realise it for yourself, that I am the life you deserve for yourself, beyond all the people in your life you have decided to be responsible for, until it comes to the surface of your being, I will not give you everything.

I cannot.

I cannot do it one more time with the risk of losing what I know to be my life once more.

I love you but not with every fibre of my being. There are parts of me I will still hold apart from you because you do not deserve them yet.

Someday, I hope you will give me reason to love you completely. The day you decide to build a life with me.

Perhaps that day will never come. While I wish I never see the day when we must part, the probability of it is real for me now.

It will make me sad, but I will survive you.

Because I deserve a life with someone. And so do you. But if you do not see me fit to be that person, then I must go in search of mine.