Loving

I like how it is quiet and peaceful and happy inside me now.  I think I am not used to it, because I constantly question whether I am really happy being here, especially since no one I really, really care for is within reach.

Wow, ain't that the truth.  Everyone I really give a shit about is a plane ride away.  There is no one on this island I cannot live without.

What makes a woman pick up and leave something happy?  And go to a new place to be happy where no one who brings happiness into her life lives?

A paradox?

Life here for me is I think more contemplative due to its solitariness.  I am surrounded by people all day, yes, and even at night, but yet I am for all intents and purposes alone.

The new house embraces the solitary me.  Yet it has enough room for Tigger, for happy times around the kitchen counter, she cooking and me baking and filling the house with all sorts of wonderful.  And our laughter.

Perhaps that is what I miss the most.  That in the last few months, even when we are together here, there is little laughter.  Because we have no home.  Just a room with limited things and even more limited avenues for entertainment and activity.  And no kitchen, which in our relationship, is a big deal.

We're funny, she and I.  She doesn't give in to my drama or pity me when I am being silly.  It's almost grown-up in a way.  I am finally dating a grown-up.

The biggest difference between us perhaps, is that I am happy.  Happy with where my life is, what I have achieved and what I am building.  Happy with the prospect of a new home.

And she is still waiting and working towards her dream.  It can't be easy being her, seemingly plagued forever with problems that stand in her way.  Although sometimes I do feel a lot of it is due to her own procrastination.  The waiting for this and that instead of barging ahead and just doing.

In a lot of ways, it's difficult to define how we are a couple.  We are emotionally bonded but we live very separate lives.  We are companions, but our days run on different tracks most of the time and in completely different places.

There is always the possibility that eventually we will drift apart.  If we are not careful.

But then again, as she always says, thinking something can make it come true.  In her head, we are together, no question about it.  And there aren't any conditions to our togetherness, no criteria for space, time, distance, or anything else except the notion that we both are committed to each other.

I watched a movie today about sworn sisters in the Chinese culture and I think I kind of understand where she is coming from.  In her own way, she teaches me new things about loving.  How simple it can be.  And easy.