Love

I don't know what has come over me, but I think this time I am just tired, even of myself.

As much as I cannot let you go, as much as I love you and want you by my side for the rest of my life, I think I can no longer accept this diminishing version of you that grows dimmer by the day.

I thought I was making things up in my head. I thought that maybe, maybe there was a part of me that suddenly desired more from you. But then, packing your things and running across old cards or photographs, I see that what I want is for the person I fell in love with to be fulfilled.

You were so hopeful then. You had dreams. You had purpose and you understood that real life requires money and work and thinking of the one you love as you go through the day.

It has been so long since I have received a random card or text from you just because. You used to do all that. You used to think of me.

Now I feel I am just someone you share a space with. A convenience who makes your not living easy, who pays the bills, who gives you a nice roof over your head, a place for you to run away from your mother.

If it is to her you want to return, them I am letting you go. Because there are only two things that can happen. Either you discover you don't really love me, or you do.

And I am now willing to take that chance. Because I feel I deserve to know once and for all.

And I love you too much to carry on supporting you, being your crutch and making it easy for you to run and hide from the baggage you carry. I let you ignore it in my arms. And I think I am to blame.

I am sorry I have failed you. I am sorry I have no more strength left to carry on and find new ways to make you understand and see what a wonderful, amazing, loving person you are. Someone who deserves to believe in the everlasting love from someone else. Not someone who only deserves to be tolerated.

I love you and even if you walk away from me, from this, from us, a part of me always will.