So Close

Now that I am so close to our old dream, I think of you from time to time and how things have changed.

I wonder how you feel now, knowing that all this was actually really, truly within our grasp.

It's weird. I don't know at times, whether I do wish we had stayed together or not.

I know it could have worked and I could have been happy, but I also realise there were a lot of pre-conditions, or maybe just one. That you could be happy too. And the truth is I think you were not happy with me in the end. I was perhaps the only one in love for some time.

Wow, that just sort of hit me square in the eyes right then as I wrote it.

There it is. I loved you, but you didn't love me, at least not in the end.

You loved the life you had with me. But you were not in love with me anymore. Or perhaps never was.

Unlike her. She is in love with me in the most ordinary way. The way that assumes a togetherness, a pairing of two souls that is unquestionable. Just like married folk. I didn't have to teach her, really. She just understood and assumed. Like it was the most natural thing. And perhaps it actually is, except I had become so used to the way you and I existed that I thought I was the only person who believed in togetherness despite the lack of a marriage certificate.