Selfish

I am trying to figure this out.

Whether or not I really love you. Or I just think I do.

Maybe other people go through this too. But in the past, usually, by and large, when I am in love I am immersed in it. This time, I find myself standing at a distance, at times, as if I am an observer of it and its unfolding.

That you love me, in the ways that you do, is undoubtable. You love by caring for someone's daily needs, like you would care for a baby. Which is probably why you are drawn to them. In a very different way from Creature, who saw like-minded company. You like them because they don't have emotional demands perhaps.

But you love me wholeheartedly, because I know you do. Perhaps even more than I love you. Because for us to part now would cause devastation to you but it would not cause the same to me.

I have changed. Maybe the way I love has changed. I almost wish you knew the person I used to be, the one who loved like a young puppy - devoting, unquestioning.

Now I fear I have grown selfish. Content only to have parts of you and not all. I do not want to inherit your problems. Even though I won't, what you fail to realise is that it still takes an emotional toll on me.