Desperate

It seems to me you are now mired in the same ditch Creature was when she left me.

In a hole too deep that the light above appears like a pinprick. Except I know with certainty that this time, with you, I was not the cause of it, nor had a hand in making you this way.

In the first place, I am rather confounded by how someone as intelligent as you has allowed herself to be in this situation. And I am also annoyed that you waste your time, filling it with things that help you escape your real life - the family, the child, me, and God knows what else. Helping other people is not going to help you.

If you were not so obligated to them, you wouldn't help.

But then again, I guess I don't know enough of your past, and perhaps never will. Just like how now I sometimes think I perhaps understand Creature better in retrospect, from a distance, through smudged lenses.

You need to focus on the problem and look at possible solutions, not barriers. If something cannot be done now, or in the timeframe that you desire or need, take a different turn. Try something else.

If you had got a job last year, you wouldn't be in this predicament.

So I don't know what is stopping you now that your situation is so darned desperate.