House and Home

Continuing my series of contemplations in this home, Subang Jaya.

This will be my last Eid in this house. Family and friends within reach, the place where I sleep the night prior and tumble out of bed half asleep the morning of, rushing, usually rushing to get to wherever it is on time.

The place I return to when all the visiting is done, the idle chatter and the catching up with relatives I don't particularly care for.

There are some who, on certain years, have surprised me. Some who have amused me.

I realised talking to Mils and Mooshoo yesterday evening that family is an amazing and complex thing. I found out things I never knew, and we recounted stuff we all knew, exchanged stories to round out each other's pictures of this place and people we come from.

I suppose no one ever really knows the whole story of where they come from. Lots of it is swallowed by time, age differences, being too young to understand and fading memories or the desire to keep bygones as bygones.

This evening I am alone, Athena chasing spirits in the front yard, egged on by the neighbour's second litter of Husky puppies. They are so noisy those little things.

Athena is my guardian spirit. She always knows when I need her. And she sometimes needs me too, which I appreciate and treasure.

I am still amazed at how, at my lowest, she was instinctively there for me, emotionally, in her own quiet way that didn't need words. That dog can say more than most people, I tell you. And in the most clear, concise way too.

I don't know what I will do when she is gone. I will feel as if a hole has opened up within me. I don't know that any human being can fill that void. Seriously. Because hers is a devotion without question, that will be there for you no matter what. No. Matter. What.

Unlike humans. They don't make us like dogs.

Evening is still my favourite part of the day. Especially in this, my home. My first real, home that I have fashioned for myself.

I will miss it. It has been good to me. Yet to stay is not something I contemplate too long, simply because it would mean a whole host of other things that get left on a shelf or put in a cupboard for "What Ifs".

Thank you, house and home, for being so good to me. Thank you.