I Hate You

I almost hate you.

Even though I love you, you don't have the courtesy to even treat me the way I deserve. You think your way is good enough and you believe that all you do is enough. You refuse to listen and consider that your way is manipulative, that you only do things to the extent that it doesn't inconvenience your heart.

Basically, you love me but you couldn't be bothered to even work on us. Which leads me to think hey, you actually don't love me. Not really. You just love me because I am convenient.

And you can tell me that you know what heartbreak feels like. So I guess I am supposed to surmise that your heart right now is not broken.

That's a bitter, bitter pill for me to swallow, but from your callousness and your lack of care, I am only left with this belief.

And when I look back, although I see times of loving, those who love me also remind me of the gaps, the gaping holes where you left me wanting and wishing you could only love me back the way I wanted. And I realise that perhaps you are not capable. Because you only want to love and live on the surface of things, without delving too deep. Without it causing you any pain whatsoever.

I hope that someday soon, you will feel the absence of me, and what a gaping chasm it creates in your life. You will wake up and recognise how much I really loved you, and you will mourn the loss of me in your life.

I want you to feel the pain.

I want you to fall down that deep, black hole and crawl back to me with your remorse.

I want you to understand how much you have hurt me.

I hate you.