I Need To Be

You have gone to Somalia again.

Just because you get to that wicked place that you think is some sort of ill-fitting sanctuary and you feel it's OK to leave your real life behind.

I know that you think it's OK to behave the way you do and not call me or reach out to me.

I know that you probably feel like you are too overwhelmed all of a sudden.

I hope you wonder why.

I think you still love me but are afraid of your own feelings. The depth and breadth of them and their enduring quality.

You thought it was easy for you to walk away but it isn't right?

Still, you are steeling your mind to block it all out.

I am sending you loving vibes and will do so all week. Until you come back here.

I know that you will come back because you don't have a choice. Because you know that your life is here and this is your home and the place where you can feel calmest if you will allow your self to get here.

Here is your sanctuary where you can really, truly be who you are. No walls, no barriers.

I need to be stronger. I need to not need you.

I need to really let you go.

I need to let you be.

I need to not even want you so actively.

I need to be patient.

I need you to find me once again all on your own.

I need to be that calm, quiet light in the background that keeps shining even under blankets and pillows, under stone, rock and tree. No ocean will dim me.

I still love you. I do. But I do not want the bits of you that make me mad and frustrate me.

I do not want the bits of you that are mean to me and treat me badly.

I only want the bits of you that are nice to me and treat me with the decency I deserve.

I just want you to know how much I love you. Really, truly realise how much I love you.

I will not tell you what I think of her.

I will not tell you how much I love you anymore.

I will just show you by being there and keeping my distance and giving you as much space as you require to find your way back to me.

I will be that one person, that one place where you can be truly honest and pure and good and kind and sincere.

I will keep taking you back into my arms.

I will keep loving you.

I will.

Because I do love you.

I do.

But when you overstep boundaries I will let you know.