My Old Acquaintance

It was so nice seeing you this evening. You and your new boyfriend. And my he is handsome, and so sweet. All the things a girl would want in this city of so limited options. But that notwithstanding, this one seems at first meeting a catch by any standards.

And how I could even see myself dating him, only I would never be that fortunate. Not that I count myself unfortunate in the love department. So far, I've done good.

But I was glad to see you happy. After the past several years of our re-acquaintance, it was nice to see you happy. Well and truly happy and in love and talking about marriage.

I wanted to tell you but somehow stopped myself. I wanted to say to you, after my heartbreak of earlier this year and recovery that no matter what happens with your new man, as long as there is real love while it lasts, it is worth it. Because I look back now on my period of absolute and desolute heartbreak as a blip on the screen. Sure, it left its scars, some that I still deal with and carry with me like a favourite blanket or pillow that despite its ragged appearance still sees exotic new destinations.

But I don't regret those nine years. They were not wasted. I grew within them, found new parts of my self or re-discovered other parts forgotten. I loved, I laughed, I curled myself to sleep each night in love and woke up many mornings grateful for the person next to me.

I am still grateful for the past nine years.

And grateful for the baby I had with another man from decades back.

And thankful I have had the opportunity to love some decent people who have seen it fit to love me back.

I only hope that throughout loving and losing, I have learned a thing or two. And that those lessons have not hardened my heart to the possibility of love when it is before me.

For the worst thing that can happen D, IMHO, is that we close ourselves to love because of our past.

That, I think, would be the worst tragedy of one's life.