Sacrifices

I got dressed delectably, in an attempt to entice you to spend the night with me. Although I don't know why I should bother. Shouldn't being with me be important enough?

I understand you haven't been home in weeks, but that was your decision that had little to do with me. I was just a convenient space for you to seek shelter while K's mom was in town. You made that decision to vacate your bedroom all on your own. Not me. It had nothing to do with me. You can argue that I was part of the reason, but hey, I wasn't, when it all boils down.

Tonight, you opted to stay at home, because you haven't slept in your own bed for weeks. You couldn't wait one more night, even after I had bothered to look nice for you and we had an awesome evening together.

I don't know what bothers me more. That I have to negotiate to be a part of your life, or that I bother to do so.

I shouldn't.

You expect me to travel with you when you work, as if I don't have a life of my own, a life you do not support nor are a part of other than negotiating what we should eat for our next meal when we are together.

A relationship is about more than that, and if you do not realise it, then perhaps it is time you took stock.

I manouevre my life around you. My dogs, my house, my career. You who do not have a career, and whose biggest daily worry is how to spend time with your baby niece try to lay that on me at this late hour when I have work to do. I cannot stand for that and I will not.

I will not speak to you for a while. I cannot. Not until you realise the folly of your ways.

I think tomorrow night I will go out. Have some fun on my own, without you. The truth is I have noticed some things about you.

You have not been attentive towards me in a while now. Not in the ways you were when we first met. The only times I see that side of you emerge are when we are out and you are drinking. As if being in public necessitates you telling the world you own me.

Well you don't.

Even if I love you, I know what I love about you. And the changes, the erosion I have seen of late, are not the things that endear you to me.

You expect me to understand that the sacrifices you make in your own head are ones that include me. Well they do not in my eyes, so don't make me feel like they should.

I have been trying to put my finger on what has been bothering me about you of late. That you pay me more attention when we are out and about is one thing. That you are less than engaged when we are together alone is another.

I know your life is complicated at the moment, but whose isn't?