Vulnerable

Did my loving make you feel bad in the end? I remember how you cried the last few nights we were together. Said that you do love me but there was a part of you that wanted to be with someone else.

I think you must believe I was out to destroy you in the end. But then again, there is a part of me that doesn't want to think of you because it does believe you were not truthful to me.

To this day and forever perhaps, I will have to live with the fact that I will never know what was true.

I cannot understand how you can lie to someone you love so much. Not just white lies, but lie in ways that would hurt them deeply and betray their trust, disrespect the love that is shared.

Why am I still thinking about you even now?

Why is it you still hurt me on days when I am feeling vulnerable?

Perhaps because Tigger doesn't know yet how to soothe me. She is always trying to fix things and uncomfortable with feeling helpless. She doesn't yet understand that sometimes I cry, in fact often, when I cry, it has little to do with her and everything to do with the scars that I still bear in my heart from the devastating past.

I am so mixed up these days.