Tonight I guess we have crossed that bridge. The bridge of my desires forcing themselves to fade into quiet and sleep while you nurse your wounded soul and its demons.
It hasn't taken long with you. Eight weeks and a little more, but then again, the loving has grown exponentially in that time.
I know I shouldn't be so selfish. That you are at a crossroad that has been staring you in the face for over a year now and you feel finally pushed to move. I wonder how deep the chasm is.
I cannot reach you these days at times, and I don't know if I should run now or stay and be still. I am not good at being still.
But instinctively I know that you are the soul that can guide me if I am willing.
Because for you, being beside me is enough. You long for my presence next to you, even in these, your darkest hours, even if I am someone you technically barely know. You entrust your soul to me and I should take greater care. For you need me now more than I perhaps need you.
Tonight I was haunted by her voice asking me whether I could fall asleep. She used to do that, perhaps it was her way of caring. You in your own way do it too, by reaching out to me, by not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep for long when I am not by your side.
You yearn for me in the subtlest ways and they are not lost on me. Perhaps I should make sure you know that.
I must be strong for you now in your hour of needing me.
Because you have been nothing but stalwart for me. Past my hurting, deep inside it, wrapped your love around me like it didn't matter that my hurt for someone else hurt you.
I love you in the quietest of ways. In ways I have never quite known before.
Perhaps what you should know is that in many ways, my loving her has paved the way for my loving you.
In that sense, it was not all a lost cause.
Every step, my darling, has brought me closer to you.
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